Using the Principals of Non-Violent Communication

In my previous position within a Head Start agency I had a center manager who was not present 8 hours out of the day, and frequently did not follow her own policies and procedures. The other teachers and staff complained frequently but none of them ever complained directly to her; they only talked about her and complained to each other. They would often times site her work ethic as being related to her ethnicity, I would disagree with this assumption but it continued and made the work environment very tense. I was grateful to accept another position and discontinue my employment with this agency but I felt as if my work was not done but I couldn’t handle the stress any longer. Nonviolent communication states that when used it builds compassionate collaboration and communication among individuals that addresses the needs of individuals involve (The Center for Nonviolent Communication, n.d.).

I believe that when I was presented with this situation I could have defused it a little more by bringing it to my center manager’s attention that we were unhappy with her performance and allowing her an opportunity to enlighten us in regards to her responsibilities. Perhaps we would have seen she was doing work related tasks on her own time or during different hours therefore she was carrying the work load or had an opportunity to empathize with her situation. By not standing up for her and leaving I believe that I may have been part of the problem instead of part of the solution. By using the 3R’s, respect, responsiveness, and building relationships I may have seen things from her perspective; active listening is an important component of effective communication, by utilizing the 3 R’s co-workers feel valued and part of the solution (Cheshire, 2007).

I am curious what my peers would have done with faced with a similar situation.

References:

Cheshire, N. (2007). The 3 R's: Gateway to infant and toddler learning. Dimensions of Early Childhood, 35(3), 36.  Retrieved from the Walden Library database.

The Center for Nonviolent Communication. (n.d.). The center for nonviolent communication. Retrieved from http://www.cnvc.org/

Who Am I as a Communicator

Who Am I as a Communicator?

After completing the communication anxiety inventory, the verbal aggressiveness scale and the listening styles profile I was surprised to learn that I have pretty good communication skills regardless of my apprehensions. I figured my assessment of my communication skills would be very different than the assessments done by my coworker and my daughter but they weren’t and I learned that I am pretty consistent in my personal and professional communications.  

Some other insights that I gained in regards to communication this week were that first impressions are lasting impressions and listening is just as important, if not more important, than speaking with confidence; especially when building relationships.

The way these insights might inform my professional work is that they remind me to always look professional and put my best foot forward when at work, in the community and at home; you never know when you will make a useful professional connection and you want to honestly convey who you are. This message is also relevant when it comes to your personal life. You never know when your personal life will reflect on your professional life and vice versa. 

Communicating in culturally diverse groups

Communicating more effectively in a culturally diverse group

Casual communication seems to me to be self-centered; meaning, we usually see things from our own perspective. By utilizing the “platinum rule” when communicating with people from different groups and cultures I think that we show we value their way of communicating.

I do find that I communicate differently with people from different groups and cultures on some levels. When communicating with children I use the same vocabulary terms that I would with adults but I offer a definition so they understand what I say. I think this would be offensive to some adults. When communicating with families from different educational and income backgrounds I find that I change the terms that I use based on their knowledge base.

When I communicate with colleagues I spend a lot of time observing them and watching their interactions. This helps me to “see” their communication style so I can adapt my communication style to meet their needs. I find this helps when building relationships and helping people feel valued. I use this approach with families and students regardless of their cultural difference, because this strategy helps me learn to appreciate their difference and embrace the way they would like to communicate.  

Language is always a barrier when it comes to effective communication so if a translator is available I use them, but I still maintain eye contact, I am conscious of my body language, and I attempt to learn key terms in a person’s home language. This all comes down to valuing the relationship and wanting the person you are communicating with to feel valued and their culture honored.  

A television show "communication" experiment

I chose a television show that my daughter enjoys watching that I don’t usually watch. The name of the show is “Jessie”. Jessie is a young girl who wants to be a movie star and takes a job as a nanny for a wealthy family to have an income, just until she can break into show business.

When the sound was turned off on the show I thought that Jessie was angry and resentful and did not like her job, therefore she had a poor relationship with the children, the butler and the family. Jessie made faces that indicated that she was angry and talked with her hands a lot. I began to question why I would even let my daughter watch this show. All of the character relationships seemed strained and communication was sarcastic at best.

So, I turned on the sound and wow! The nonverbal communication did not match the verbal communication much at all. Although, there was a lot of sarcasm and innuendos throughout the show; the relationships were much more caring than I first believed. Jessie seemed to care for all of the children and helped them through their daily struggles, as their nanny.

I think that had I been watching a show that I know well I would have known the character’s personalities better and my assumptions would have been based on what I know about the characters. With this experiment all I could base my assumptions on were the interactions I was observing without sound. This is an interesting experiment and gives you some insight into how important body language and non-verbal cues are. 

Demonstrating Competent Communication Skills

“We strive to understand and respect others communications before evaluating and responding to their messages,” (O’Hair, Wiemann, Mullin, & Teven, 2015).”

My boss and founder of Creative Kids Seattle is someone who demonstrates competent communication skills when it comes to listening before evaluating and responding to other people’s messages. I have seen her in public speaking situations and meeting one on one with parents and staff; and she always listens and responds thoughtfully. More importantly is her interactions when it comes to communicating with children. When she is communicating with children she gets down on their level, she listened to them and even if she disagrees she is very thoughtful about her responses. In return the children are learning communication skills and they honor and respect her, through their interactions with others.

When she is speaking, Grace makes eye contact and her facial expressions say she is listening. Because her first language is not English I think she listens even more intently and even though her responses take more time they are more thoughtful. I would want to model some of my own communication behaviors after her because when she speaks people listen, they value her opinion, and they feel respected in her presence.